The first part of this article applies best to young preschoolers (ages two, three, and four); the questions in the second half will be helpful in parenting older children as well.
The scene: a middle-of-nowhere McDonald’s where our family has stopped for a bathroom-and-snack break while traveling.
The surface issue: a bib.
The real issue: Who is in charge—me or my 2-year-old.
Me to my 2-year-old: “You can have some ice cream like the big kids, but you have to wear a bib.”
2-year-old: “NO! No bib!” (Begins crying and tugging at bib.)
Me to myself, glancing around at all the McDonalds customers who are pretending not to stare at us: Okay, I have a decision to make. Do I let her take off the bib, or do I stick to my guns?I could just make her start over and ask calmly and respectfully if she can take off the bib, and then let her take it off, but . . . sigh. This time I need to stick to my guns. First,she’s been fighting me a lot lately. Not good.Second, I don’t want her getting ice cream all over her shirt before we get back in the car. Third, she needs to know that she doesn’t get her way by pitching fits. Fourth, she needs to learn that she doesn’t always get her way, period.
Me to 2-year-old: “Okay, fine. You can take off the bib, but that means no ice cream. If you keep the bib on, you can eat your ice cream.”
2-year-old, loudly: “Me want ICE KWEAM!”
Me: “Okay. Then keep your bib on.”
2-year-old: “No no no no no bib!” Tugs even harder at the bib.
We are definitely getting some looks now. I’m beginning to wonder if we need to take this little confrontation outside.
Me, reaching for her ice cream: “Okay, then no ice cream.”
2-year-old: Throws head back and cries halfheartedly at the ceiling. Not a full-on fit, but she’s thinking about it. I brace myself for the worst. But then she looks at me and I can see surrender in her eyes. “Me want ice kweam.” She stops tugging on the bib.
I hand her the spoon and she digs in, all smiles again. I breathe a sigh of relief. Minor skirmish resolved. Score one for Mommy.
I call this a “minor skirmish,” because in the grand scheme of parenting, it wasn’t a huge deal. This wasn’t a make-or-break moment…not necessarily.
But it was important. It was important because it showed my 2-year-old who is in charge. It taught her that Mommy and Daddy mean what we say. We allowed her to make a choice and gave her a sense of control in her own life, butwithin the rules we had set for her. It taught her that she can’t get her way by pitching a fit or being stubborn. She can’t wear us down.
In the middle of moments like this, we can feel ridiculous: I’m in a McDonald’s, arguing with a two-year-old over a bib. You start to feel like a two-year-old yourself.
