As Christian women, we feel a responsibility to do all things well when it comes to our families and spiritual lives. What do we do when we are used to having the energy and ability to expend ourselves and that ability is taken away? I experienced this soon after having children. It got increasingly worse every few years. I was a woman full of vitality, zeal and passion. I experienced great satisfaction in serving people and having my hands in as many lives as I could possibly influence. I loved meeting the needs of my family. It is what I woke up thinking about doing. This was my calling and I was going to give it all I had! I assumed it would always be this way but I was wrong.
When I was in my twenties, I rarely got sick or felt the lack of energy. It seemed I never had to slow down because of any physical limitations. After having children, however, I began experiencing a lot of back and nerve pain that forced me to avoid lifting and certain house work, which limited my ability to sit for long periods. The pain continued so I finally got an MRI, which revealed I had degenerative disk disease as well as scoliosis. This meant that the nucleus protruded between the disks and put pressure on the nerves. This caused excruciating pain and I could not bend over, sleep, or perform certain activities. There were actually times it progressed to the point that I had to stand in church because sitting placed so much pressure on the disks that it was miserable to sit.
The hardest time I can remember was when I could not sleep through the night for several years. I would roll up my legs in bed and just hold them to relieve the pressure on my spine. The sensation was like a metal rod pushing through my hips and lower back. It seemed like I was destined to live with chronic pain causing me to miss out on my children’s sports because I just was not able to stand or sit that long. I was so desperate for relief that there were times I asked God to take me home at an early age after the kids were older because I could not imagine having much of a life with such severe pain. At my lowest point, I believed I would never feel like myself again. I just wanted to feel happy and free to enjoy the normal things in life. This was just a miserable way to exist. I could not even give to my kids, my husband or the church in a way I so much wanted to. So I thought to myself, “What was I even good for anymore?” That passionate, zealous woman of God was buried under a mountain of pain.
There were times I fought to believe that my pain would just go away or resolve itself, but the pain would always return. Finally, after years of trying different ways to heal, it seemed that my prayer was answered. After taking some yoga classes, stretching daily and walking, I actually tried a tennis class with a friend for some exercise. What joy to actually be able to do something other than walking! It was an amazing feeling to swing a tennis racquet and feel so ALIVE! Was God showing mercy to me? I felt like He was! I had thought that my life was destined to be hard and painful and I was actually playing an exhilarating sport.
This euphoria was short lived when I was rear-ended by an elderly man who ran a red light. This accident set me back two more years. It seemed like a cruel joke to have a few days of complete joy and happiness stolen so swiftly by a careless act. I had to go back to the drawing board and try to figure out what I could and could not do.
Sometimes life seems to be a series of challenges in which God seems to be testing our faith and endurance! Some of us are even chosen for such adversity. Have you ever wondered, why me? Have you ever thought you would like to exchange weaknesses with someone? I certainly have! I have often wondered if I was stuck with this life. If this was all I had to look forward to—more pain? Would I ever feel normal again? I felt that if I did not have these physical limitations, I would be able to serve God so much more and be an even stronger disciple! I especially struggled with depression and discouragement when I had to miss activities that involved the kids. I would pray for God to just take it away and give me back my self worth, but it seemed that my prayers would evaporate into thin air. I felt jealous of other moms who were able to do more for their kids. Year after year, I feared that enduring pain would be my lot in life.
God saw it differently! I had to open my eyes to see what He saw. The passage in Luke 9:20-22 tells us of a woman who suffered from severe bleeding for 12 years. This woman could have just given up. After all, she most likely had spent all of her money on doctors to find a cure to no avail. Somehow though, she held on to hope. She wasn’t about to give up and give in to a life of bitterness. I can only imagine that she felt less than purposeful. Women were considered unclean when they were bleeding so she probably felt unacceptable to others and even wondered if she would ever marry or have a normal life.
In this situation, God healed the woman and she was healthy and whole again. He had mercy on her, but He also allowed her to suffer for many years. Why does God allow these kinds of challenges in our lives? First of all, God allows suffering for us to learn to look to Him for our strength and deepest joy. In 2nd Corinthians 12:7-10, God says no to Paul’s request when he pleaded with God three times to take away his thorn in the flesh. Some think his thorn was after he was so severely flogged that he was hunched over. Others suggest that he had some type of eye ailment that inhibited his eyesight. There are times when God will say “yes” to our requests and there are times when God says “no”. Paul was told, “My grace is sufficient for my power is made perfect in weakness”. He was being made strong inwardly even though his body was tormented. Will our faith allow us to accept either answer? This is how we can know that we believe God IS ENOUGH! Can we accept a “no” answer from God, believing that He is all we need? God does not enjoy our suffering, but perhaps we would not be remade into his image without it. I believe that it is a very humbling thing to have a physical handicap. It stifles you from doing the things you want to enjoy, but it doesn’t need to stifle our spirit! Did Paul decide to pull away from serving the brothers after God decided he could live with the thorn in his flesh? Paul never wavered in his zeal for God and had just as much influence in people’s lives and the church until his last days here.
Secondly, God gives us the ability to cope with our weaknesses. I always wanted a different struggle because I was convinced I could be more for God and my family. But 2nd Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.” Realizing that God is still sovereign and has a plan to meet our needs when life is not what we would choose is a relief. God does not deny help for us. He gives us EVERYTHING we need. I needed a husband who was Mr. Faithful and he gave me Tom. I needed friends who would empathize and he gave me Kathy Eastman, Robyn Williams and Nancy Jensen. I needed emotional strength to keep taking one day at a time and he provided that. I needed the joy of the Holy Spirit and He was there daily keeping me focused on the eternal and not my feelings of inadequacy. I needed faith from the scriptures to endure the pain and to not become full of bitterness and self-pity. I needed grace to help me be grateful for the good days and the blessings of being a Christian in God’s family. I really needed a spiritual perspective on suffering so I could accept this as part of my journey and not a nuisance. Let me ask you a question. Do you accept your struggles as part of your life journey?
2nd Corinthians 4:16 states, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
It is not easy to have an eternal perspective about suffering, is it? It doesn’t feel light and momentary when the pain is ongoing and your body is not cooperating. It just feels bad. It will only last a short time compared to the utter joy when we are in the eternal presence of God. But, how do we remember that in the midst of our pain? Job exemplifies the heart of a man who understands that God uses everything; good and bad, to His glory.
Job 2:10 says to his wife, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall I accept the
good from God, and not troubles? In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.”
Job’s body was covered in sores and he lost everything precious to him. He was
miserable! How did he come to the conclusion that God was still worth living for instead
of cursing Him:
1. We need to get real!
Job 30:25-30 “Have I not wept for those in trouble? Has not my soul grieved for the poor? Yet when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness. The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me. I go about blackened, but not by the sun; I stand up in the assembly and cry for help. I have become a brother of jackals, a companion of owls. My skin grows black and peels, my body burns with fever.” At my worst times, I would feel sorry for myself until I realized I really had no control over my situation. I had to give it over to God or it would consume me! I knew I couldn’t resent my situation or I would end up blaming God. Have you accepted your lot in life? How do we truly surrender? For me, it meant letting people know how badly I was doing. When I talked about my feelings, things would not build up and I could deal with the emotional weakness I felt with the help and encouragement of others. We are not always going to handle our situations with a spiritual heart. That is why we need to ask for help. It may even mean asking for help to clean your house or help to figure out how to work on a schedule that makes sense to help with your challenges. I struggle with this because I like being very involved in people’s lives and love pushing myself to serve. Tom and certain sisters were very helpful in giving me counsel on when to hold back and when to push through. Today, I realize that I am more effective when I don’t overdo things than when I try to do something and pay for it later because I was unwise. I have learned to pace myself and be alright with what I can and can’t do. We can accept our challenges much easier when we allow others to share the burden we are carrying. When people ask how we are doing, we need to answer honestly and ask for prayers. I need it; you need it; and it helps!!
2. We need to cry out!
Job 30:15-17 “Terrors overwhelm me; my dignity is driven away as by the wind. My safety vanishes like a cloud. And now my life ebbs away; days of suffering grip me. Night pierces my bones; my gnawing pains never rest.” Sometimes, I have just endured the pain and thought I was doing ok. Then, I would realize I wasn’t really telling God how I was feeling. The prayers I prayed were not easy. They were tearful and desperate, and they helped my heart get to a place of acceptance. When you aren’t connecting with God, you probably have not been sharing your heart. It can be exhausting to let myself go there, especially if I am already worn down by the pain. I have to clean my heart out in order to let God fill it with His comfort and understanding. He does understand our frailties and limitations. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” There are times when a good cry helps and there are times it doesn’t seem like anything helps. But God is so much bigger than our weakness that He is working even when we don’t see it, or feel His comfort. At times, I have made the mistake of thinking I can just endure it all and it will work out because I am a strong Christian. That mentality only got me so far. God was taking me to a place of great need. I felt so vulnerable and helpless and that was right where He wanted me. We are helpless, aren’t we, especially when we have a physical handicap, disease or condition that we cannot control or change? Many of us are “take charge” people and God wants to be in control, but, we get in the way. I ultimately decided that whatever God was allowing in my life, was something that I needed to get to heaven. There is a lesson or some blessing or a character that is being built that will help me know God better. That is something I want to remember for the rest of my life. Do you realize that you need God’s help?
3. We need to learn to laugh.
The woman of Proverbs 31 “laughed at the days to come”. At times, I dreaded the days ahead. One thing I found invaluable in changing dread to laughter is keeping a positive outlook. There have been times when I have let my pain influence everything and I saw my life as stuck in this body I can feel like I am sinking into a pit of depression. That is exactly when I need to get a comedy and watch it, allowing it to lead my mind to a lighter place. I use music that lifts my heart and spirit to help me focus on praising God. I love Casting Crowns, Keith Green, Steven Curtis, and Nichole Nordeman. It is amazing how you can sing yourself into a better place! My husband Tom is one of the most helpful people in this area. He has reminded me over and over again of all the encouraging things. It is all about perspective, isn’t it? I can find ten reasons to be depressed or I can find ten things to laugh about and be encouraged by. I have had to learn to bring a thank you list to God rather than a complaint list. This has forced me to realize there is always something going right. I would rather learn to look on positive things than focus on all of the things that can get me down. It is a choice I have to make often. Proverbs 15:13 “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.” What have you found to laugh about today? Sometimes, I have to just stop and make fun of myself and my situation to get a new perspective. If I become a hunched over old lady one day, I hope I will be one that is hunched over laughing at life, not grumbling about the challenges.
4. We need to look up!
At times when I was going to doctors, I became so exasperated because they would only offer pain medication or an injection that would last a week, but they couldn’t offer any lasting solutions. It was so easy to look at the situation and be angry or feel like I don’t know how to work through my emotions or be spiritual when I feel so badly. How can I rejoice always, when I can’t even deal with the pain? Sometimes I haven’t even had the energy to pray so I would just ask God to help me and that would be it. What I have come to realize is that God has heard even my quick, short prayer for help. Isaiah 40:11 says, “He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” When life gets to be too much and we can’t seem to get beyond our pain, God is there to carry us on His shoulders. I do believe God has carried me and held me up when I felt despair take over. I am convinced His shoulders are strong enough and broad enough to carry all of us! It should comfort us to know God carries us close to his heart. I have to remember that it is not different to see one of our children struggling and to respond than it is for God to see us hurting and to reach down and comfort us! This keeps me going as much as anything in my life. I read the Psalms over and over because they speak to my heart about God’s faithful love for me! I realize I can’t be a faithful, happy Christian without the strength God provides and without him having to carry me when I haven’t the strength to keep on. “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalms 73:26.
