I love children…all children! I always dreamed of having a big family. God has answered my prayers. Together with my husband Mark I have three biological children. Mark and I also adopted a daughter, Esther, who is now 17 years old. We are eager to welcome another daughter into our family soon. I love being a Mom, both to my own children and to those to whom we give our hearts.
I asked Luke to read and to edit my article before having it published. My son, Luke, approved it and gave me permission to use the story even though it contains sensitive subject matter concerning his life. He anticipates that this may help other families through their struggles.
“I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the
I work in the field of education overseeing HOPE schools in South Asia. I don’t look forward to being an empty nester. It’s not that I don’t love my husband. He is wonderful and certainly my best friend. It’s just that I love being around kids.
I totally believe in the words of Jesus about little children. Children are pure hearted, enthusiastic, fun, and teachable. When we have a child we are full of expectations. We may want a boy or a girl, a child with certain gifts, looks, interests, etc…I doubt very much that any of us would wish for a child with special needs. Yet that is what happens sometimes.
I always wanted a son. I grew up with two brothers and to this day we are extremely close. I assumed my son would be intellectual and, like his Dad, focused and driven. I even had a vision of what he would look like: a studious little boy with spiky dark hair and glasses, interested in computers and school. Life is humorous!
My son Luke is nothing like that. In fact, apart from the glasses, he is the opposite of what I had envisioned. Of course none of our kids turn out exactly the way we expect. But with Luke, it has been an exciting, albeit exhausting, adventure…
Let me first say that Luke is very handsome, smart, funny, active, and passionate. He is extremely sociable, independent, deep, and interested in the world around him. He is now seventeen but has a level of maturity and understanding far beyond his years.
I love him Luke to pieces. We have a special bond. We have meaningful conversations. I love spending time with Luke. He makes me laugh and questions me in ways that make me think about my convictions.
Luke has also made me cry… a lot. Raising Luke has brought me to my knees and challenged my faith more than any other event in my life. I have felt despair, hopelessness, and a sense of total failure as a parent. Many times I have thought, “I cannot do this!”
You see, Luke has special needs. It became obvious as a young child when things would not come easily to him. He seemed to have a hard time “functioning”. Luke was a lovely baby, very cute and joyful! By the age of four, however, it was clear things were not going to be straightforward. Basic tasks other children master easily were a nightmare for Luke. The list of daunting tasks for Luke was a long one: tying shoe laces, getting dressed, toilet training, and holding a pencil, to name a few.
School was an obstacle course. He couldn’t perform the simple things expected of the other children. Luke would daydream, and because of his witty sense of humor he would distract the class and the teacher. He was also very forgetful. We all struggled along till he turned eight. We then started seeing a counselor. No one really seemed to know what the “problem” was. We kept being called into school to see the teacher, the principal, other parents. Luke has always been drawn towards children with similar challenges so the combination was less than ideal!
Around that same time Luke was tested by a neuropsychiatrist. It became apparent that Luke was extremely gifted. His IQ was very, very high. He also seemed to have some signs of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), oppositional defiant behavior, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) . Nothing was really very clear so the counseling was virtually ineffective. Mark and I received some excellent parental advice, however, that had the value of pure gold: to take care of ourselves, remain strong, and not take anything personally. That advice has served us well.
In 2003 we moved back to
For a period of time we were seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. They worked in tandem with our family. To our great relief Luke was finally diagnosed as having OCD and bipolar disorder. I am convinced the diagnosis was correct. Everything I have read on the subject confirms it, and I have done a lot of research and reading!
A few extremely challenging years of therapy and trials with medication (mostly failed attempts) followed. It was so sad to see Luke struggle and battle these inner demons. He would have really good days followed by really bad ones. As is typical in teenagers with bipolar disorder he would cycle (go through ups and downs) several times a day. It was a wild ride for all of us! The OCD would make it very difficult for him to concentrate on his school work, perform simple tasks like taking a shower or going to bed at night, or get ready to leave the house in the morning.
Well-meaning people would sometimes suggest he was “just a teenager”. Believe me, what we experienced was nothing close to “just being a teenager”. For the sake of privacy I cannot share everything that happened, but suffice to say that things have been very intense. One day Luke can share those things himself, if he chooses to.
These everyday events took a toll on our household. I had trouble sleeping. I put on a lot of weight. I felt anxious a lot. Mark and I did not always agree on how to handle things, so we had a lot of conflicts. Our other children were scared during Luke’s violent outbursts. They loved their brother, but they also resented him and the havoc his special needs were creating in our family.
Prayer and the incredible support of the church, the school and our extended families have pulled us through. We are not out of the woods but things are so much better. Luke is a wonderful young man; he still has his struggles and probably will for the rest of his life. Still, I am really proud of him for channeling his energy and intensity in more positive ways. Luke is now coping in school. His teachers adore him. His winning personality has its charms!
Luke is also an expert BMX rider. He spends hours and hours every day riding his bicycle in the
Spiritually Luke is not yet ready to make Jesus Lord of his life. He has a lot of deep questions, and the struggles linked to bipolar disorder have made certain things hard to overcome. We are praying. God is faithful.
Today I love my son more than ever before. My marriage is stronger, and my other children have learned life lessons very few kids learn at this stage in life. We are a more compassionate and understanding family. I have learned to trust in God.
Challenges come in all packages. Having a child with special needs is a gift from God. I wouldn’t want Luke to not be Luke. He is the son God gave me and the blessings far outweigh the challenges.
