Dear Readers,I am glad to have received some comment letters from readers. I would love to receive feedback and letters from more sisters around the world. It was so encouraging to get this note from the Ukraine.
Dear Lydia,
I am from Kyiv, Ukraine; I am 37 years old and have been a disciple 17 years. (The translation of my name is faith, although my parents weren’t faithful to God, they were communists). I have a husband who is a disciple and a 4 years old daughter. Thank you and God for your wise advice about boundaries in our on the job relationships. Also, recently I read the article, “The Woman of Ignoble Character” about being a wife and mother who is selfish and self centered at home. It was a shock to me!!!! I like to sleep late in the morning. I don’t like to go to the grocery store and other things. Thank you and God again. I shared the lessons with my sisters in my house church. It was a good time for our hearts! I look forward to reading new lessons.
Love,
Vera
A recent newlywed was moved to write a note of encouragement to “Not Prepared for Marriage” from a previous edition of Dear Lydia. Here is her helpful message.
Dear Lydia,
I was so moved to hear the story of “Not Prepared for Marriage“. I am a new wife too, and even though both I and my husband were disciples for many years before getting married, I have felt the pressure as well. I don’t have children, so I can’t speak to the parenting issue, but I can at least share what helped me.
1) If your church offers a Dynamic Marriage class, take it! It’s not just for people who have marriage problems. My husband and I have a great marriage, but it still helped us find things that would have been a problem in 5 years or so.
2) Don’t expect your husband to know when you need help. That’s what I did, and it failed spectacularly. I moved to get married, so in our first 5 months of marriage I didn’t have a job. I told my husband that I would take care of all the housework, cooking etc. When I started working, I thought he would know automatically that now I needed help. He didn’t. We had several conversations about it where I didn’t do a very good job at communicating my need for help. Finally we sat down and went over how much time the tasks I had would take and how much time I actually had to complete them, and he realized that it was a fairness issue and immediately started helping out.
3. Show compassion to your husband. It sounds like he is a young Christian and has to grow in learning to be a godly husband just like you are growing in learning to be a godly wife. Peter’s advice in 1 Peter 3 1-2 is not only for wives that have unbelieving husbands- it’s also for any sister that sees needs for repentance in her husband. It’s hard, and it’s not the world’s solution, but it works!
4. The cooking doesn’t need to be a burden. A crock pot (get one at a thrift store) will help tremendously. Try putting a whole chicken in it with salt and pepper before you go to work. Turn it on high while you get dressed etc, then put it on low before you leave the house. When you come home, bone it and add BBQ sauce. Voila! BBQ sandwiches. You can also put a couple of pounds of chuck beef in and dump in a jar of your favorite salsa. Cook it on LOW while you are at work. When you get home, tear it apart with two forks and you have easy burritos! You can prep many different crock pot meals the night before. Make extra food on a regular basis, freeze the leftovers, and have leftovers several times a week, or put the leftovers up in small plastic containers in the freezer for lunches. There are many other easy recipes that you can acquire from inexpensive cookbooks that you can find at the thrift store. Don’t let anybody (including yourself) place unrealistic expectations on you about your cooking skills. If you try new recipes on a regular basis, you will find yourself understanding more about cooking and possibly enjoying it more. If your husband expresses concern about your cooking skills, express to him that you are trying to learn and ask for his patience (especially in trying new recipes).
5. Ask older sisters you know for advice. I love to cook, but I REALLY HATE housecleaning (especially because I’m not good at it!). In desperation I asked an older sister what I could do to be a better housekeeper. Her surprising advice was “have company often”. And she was right! Nothing motivates like imminent company. If you ask around, you will find that your struggles are much more common than you would think, and that those sisters that you think of as “perfect housekeepers” have had to struggle just like you to get there. Be encouraged, because repentance is followed by times of refreshing (Acts 3:20).
Hope that helps. It at least helped me-now I’m inspired to go clean my house!
Love in Christ,
Heather
It was also great to receive this note from our sister formerly known as “Not Prepared for Marriage”!
Dear Lydia and Heather,
Thank you both! I’m doing so much better since I wrote that letter asking for help. God heard me crying to him for help, and he answered my prayers. Over the past months I’ve healed a great deal. My husband has commented more than once that I’ve been cooking a lot more since we got married (we lived together for nearly 8 years before becoming disciples and getting married). I’ve been able to share my experience as a step-parent with others who are learning that it can seem like an insurmountable challenge. So often we don’t realize how tough it can be to help raise someone else’s child – the jealousy, the fears, the hurts that Satan will try to use against us.
God is so faithful and so kind. What seemed overwhelming before has become routine.
To God be the glory sisters!
From Not ready for Marriage to Loving Being Married!
