Peggy Malutinok’s attitude toward life inspires me. Peggy’s life changed overnight two years ago. Her son Scott had a motorcycle accident that left him in a coma for weeks. He suffered severe brain damage. The Scott Peggy had known and raised was no longer there. She has a different son in the same body. He is still strong, spiritual and fun-loving–but he is a very different young man than he was before the accident.
Psalm 23:1-4
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
From Peggy I have come to appreciate the ways God uses the weak to teach us all about love and sacrifice. Peggy is an inspiration in her attitude and actions as she has sought to honor God and learn from him each day. I asked her to put on papers some of the lessons she has learned. (Jeanie Shaw)
From Peggy:
Two years ago I was headed alone to the crash scene knowing that the sirens surrounding me were headed toward my son Scott. Thanks be to God Scott survived an accident that was marked on police reports as a “fatality,” suffering much bodily injury as well as severe brain injury. He has had to re-learn to walk, to speak, and to use practically every muscle in his body as well. He is also relearning “executive” mental functions such as remembering words, names, and events as well as navigating and planning.
Scott has come so very far. This fall he will most likely enter vocational training and is currently choosing his loves of nature (landscaping) or working with animals as possible job choices. Hopefully his memory will continue to grow thus increasing his independence. He is consistently happy, respectful, spiritual, patient with rehabilitation, a willing student, and fun-loving – qualities that are rare after suffering a brain injury.
As I look back, it is hard to believe the intensity of the last two years; the trials, the joys, and the ways that God has powerfully made His presence known.
We each have a unique “race” to run and I write this for anyone who can use encouragement. One of the most helpful concepts these last two years has been that amid many things that I had no control over, I always had choices. For simplicity’s sake, I have reduced my choices to bullets. In an effort to be brief I have included only a few of the hundreds of examples. The following choices have been so instrumental in navigating the past two years:
- Choosing to listen for God’s voice: As a self-reliant doer and fixer I am used to hearing my own voice more than any other, especially when I am not in over my head. This situation I could not fix. Enroute to the crash scene I prayed, “God, please let him live!” I heard God quietly answer, “If he doesn’t, he will be with me,” which gave me much peace and perspective. I’ve asked God, “what if he isn’t able to walk? Will I ever hear his voice? See a smile?” Too many times to count I have heard God’s answer. He has been beside me constantly through pain, worry, disappointments, decisions, and frustrations; sometimes through a gentle voice, a scripture that would come to mind, or even reminders of His love and power exhibited through His gifts of a fresh breeze and the beauty of nature.
When I chose to listen for his voice I was much more surrendered and at peace, as well as finding many ideas and solutions. - Choosing to see God working: I will never know exactly why the accident happened, but God lovingly cushioned so many of the struggles in ways I would not have noticed had I not been looking. Receiving news of the accident from a church friend (who “happened” to be near the scene) rather than the police, and six weeks later Scott speaking his first words to me on Mother’s Day are only two of the many times I could feel God intervening on my behalf.
- Choosing my “set point”: Somehow goals center me, even in tragedy and especially dealing with something new or different. I knew quickly how I wanted to look back on this time – calm, solution-oriented, and with a spiritual perspective regardless of circumstances and outcomes. Of course I haven’t always stayed on course, but having these qualities as a focus has given me a guide to get back to where I want to be. Early on when asked Scott’s prognosis, my answer (to myself and others) was, “whatever happens, I know that God will give us the strength to make it through,” and amid still present unknowns that focus has been invaluable to me.
- Choosing to focus on God’s Word: Either God’s words are true or they are not. Over thirty years ago I made the decision to accept them as truth (even the difficult ones). I have derived so much comfort, advice, inspiration and instruction from the scriptures. Some familiar ones came automatically to mind, and I was excited to find many more that gave me peace and perspective. From the first days after the accident and now I daily read 3-4 passages and choose one to “claim” for the day. Some of my favorites have been Ps 18, Prov 31, Heb 11:1, Is 40, Matt 6:27, Eph 6:11, Rom 8:37-39, Heb 10:39 and Rom 8:28.
After Scott was discharged from the rehabilitation unit and put solely in our care I often told God (and still sometimes do), “I am NOT trained for this!” to which the scriptures calmly replied, “My grace is sufficient for you…” 2 Cor 12:9 I have also found many inspirational books which have been helpful and fresh to me. I am still moved to see the 23rd psalm (“even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil…”) posted in Scott’s bedroom, one of the passages he had copied and posted on his wall before the accident! - Choosing to be positive: Every morning as I woke up with a pit in my stomach and every night as I fell into bed I knew that I could choose to focus on the often heartbreaking scenes of the day or on the encouraging ones. Some of my most precious memories have been seeing Scott nuzzling into his dad’s neck, clinging for dear life to a stuffed animal that his sister Joyanna brought him, haltingly telling his brother John that “if you…could be…my brother…that would be SO awesome!” and breaking his hunger strike only for his sister-in-law Shannen. Other joyful memories have been of Scott learning to read again with the help of Nana, playing his first basketball games with Uncle Greg, having wheelchair races with Granny Olga, and clearly recognizing and enjoying the company of Uncle Paul’s family even though names were not easily coming to mind.
- Choosing to accept help: In the brain injury community recovery is termed “a marathon rather than a sprint” and each act, even from those unknown, has felt like a sprinkler or a cup of water offered as we’ve run this marathon. Thousands of prayers, cards, letters, posters; fifty loving friends crowding with our family into the hospital waiting room; the arrival of out of town family and friends dropping everything to offer encouragement and help; the teen ministry in Boston sending us videos to help jog Scott’s memory; a group of Scott’s friends that continues to spend one evening a week with him, hundreds of meals, rides, family and household needs met through our loving North River church family. As our family waited for hours in the waiting room, it was so encouraging to gather around Facebook and Carepages to read messages and prayers coming in from around the world. The many, many of acts of love and service our family has been given have been humbling, but so refreshing. Had we chosen not to accept them, or not to make our needs known, life would have been much harder and not nearly so encouraging.
- Choosing to accept myself and others: I’ve had some bad days and still do. My husband Dave and I smile when we realize that rarely do we have a bad day on the same day. Scott sometimes has “off” days. Others don’t always know how to help and have their own lives to live. I have learned (again!) that I can’t always do and be my best, but that I can always recover and re-start. Overall, it has helped me to accept that we all are new at navigating these waters, and that “Amazing Grace” is not something to be offered only at salvation!
- Choosing to refresh myself: This is one of my favorite choices! I sometimes have to make an effort when I don’t feel like it – but when I involve myself in favorite hobbies, a funny movie, a quiet evening, a solo getaway, or even planning something fun to do for someone, it refreshes me for the harder times. I try to add simple treats and humor into each day, but also need several hours of free time weekly, and well as trying to get away with Dave or a friend for a few days every few month. Home-schooling has its advantages – as Scott progressed to “mom school.”
Over the past 18 months he and I have enjoyed museums, parks, zoos, frisbee, ping pong, basketball, road trips, beaches, visits to our beloved Boston, many movies, hikes, tennis, soccer, even passing football! No, I haven’t become a bodybuilder like Scott. Our treats also have included several trips to Chili’s for the hot brownie slathered with ice cream and hot fudge sauce – and no movie gets seen without (butterless J ) popcorn. - Choosing to let the important be important: Scott is continuing to improve and yet his life (and resultantly mine) has grown much richer in simplicity. Though he often cannot remember what he has read he faithfully reads his Bible and prays in his room every morning before hitting the shower. Finding sand dollars on the beach last summer, Scott happily gave each to a young boy close by. The mother was very touched. As she thanked him Scott replied, “I’m just doing what I was born to do, to help people be happy.”
Because of short-term memory issues, Scott is not currently able to work or to attend classes so I am his primary teacher and life coach. As we go to the library, on field trips, run errands, or go to the gym or park, we often stop to talk to others, to laugh at children, to admire clouds, to enjoy whatever is at hand – as well as look for needs that we can meet along the way.
Scott is very expressive of his love for family and friends, and old memories have come back more and more. Recently at the dinner table he announced, “Mom, do you know one of the happiest days of my life was the day we adopted Joyanna?” How often I am called higher to express to others how special they are to me. - Choosing to be chosen: The Bible says that we each are created to do God’s work (Eph 2:10). I believe that my best works lie in the talents, passions, and interests God has given me, as well as the trials. Through necessity, I have read many books, spent many hundreds of hours creating curriculum, attending appointments, quizzing professionals, and doing research. I can’t say that I would voluntarily choose the events of the past two years, but through them I have met hundreds of hurting people whose language I now can somewhat speak; people in emergency rooms, hospitals, rehabilitation units, camps, schools, and in a brain-injured community I knew nothing about. For a long time, my passion has been serving those with “special needs” and God has equipped me in heart and knowledge even further to do so.
A quote which has inspired me the past year (author unknown) states that our memories should never be bigger than our dreams. The apostle Paul states this concept as “forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead” (Phil 3:13). I treasure the memories of life before Scott’s accident and sometimes I am still shocked to be part of the brain injured world. Yet through the above choices, God has given me a strength, joys and a focus I could never have imagined, a family who has been stretched but is stronger and closer than ever, and many new and exciting dreams. I pray that you may run your race experiencing God’s strength and blessings.
Peggy Malutinok
Editor’s note: Thank you Peggy!
The poem below describes to me the life I see being lived from Peggy:
A Strong Woman Versus a Woman of Strength
(revised from a poem by Luke Easter with Dee Cheeks)
A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape.
But a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape.
A strong woman isn’t afraid of anything.
But a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear.
A strong woman won’t let anyone get the best of her.
But a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone.
A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future.
A woman of strength realizes life’s mistakes can also be God’s blessings and capitalizes on them.
A strong woman walks sure-footedly.
But a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls.
A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face.
But a woman of strength wears grace.
A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey.
But a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong.
