Forgiveness is one of the most powerful demonstrations of love.
I can remember when I first studied the Bible, came to grips with my own sinful nature, and realized what Jesus endured on the cross for the sake of my salvation. I remember that feeling of being unworthy, and yet so grateful for forgiveness. I felt free and at peace. I could let go of the hurt, the pain, and the guilt.
In Ephesians 2:13-16 Paul says that Jesus is “our peace” and that he “destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility”. He took away every excuse by what he did on the cross, and then, in turn, showed us how to forgive when he forgave those who put him on the cross (Luke 23:34).
Some of us, when we studied the Bible, had to wrestle through deep hurts done to us, or that we did to someone else, and had to forgive them and/or ourselves. The challenge for us now is that since we became disciples, memories can creep in that we hadn’t remembered or that we can’t seem to let go of; or family, coworkers, or church members hurt us or we hurt them. We can forget the importance of forgiveness as an ongoing and daily process (Ex: family, friends, fall-aways, members in the church, coworkers).
In Matt. 18:21-22 Peter asked Jesus “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered. “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” In other words, CONTINUALLY.
We can lose sight of the cross and forget that forgiveness is a salvation issue. “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matt. 6:14-15).
We must understand that “forgiveness is the feeling of peace that emerges as you take your hurt less personally, take responsibility for how you feel, and become a hero instead of a victim. Forgiveness does not change the past, but it changes the present. It means you become a part to the solution. Forgiveness is the understanding that hurt is a normal part of life. It is for YOU and no one else.” Forgiveness is a gift, given by God, to us. Put into practice the gift of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is:
- The peace you learn to feel (Eph.2:14; 1John 1:9)
- For you and not the offender (Matthew 18:21-22; Matthew 6:14-15); About you and not about the people who hurt you.
- Taking responsibility for how you feel (Ephesians 4:31-32) and helping you gain control over your feelings.
- Improving your mental and physical health.
- Becoming a hero instead of a victim.
- A choice.
Forgiveness is not:
Condoning unkindness; forgetting that something painful happened; excusing poor behavior; denying or minimizing your hurt and always having to reconcile with the offender ( Mark 11:25)
Forgiveness acknowledges we can’t change the past; it allows us to get “unstuck” from the past; brings peace of mind; and helps you be aware that bad things (though they may have hurt your past) do not need to ruin your today.
Col. 3:12-14 “Forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.”
We can develop grievances in many ways. These include taking something personally and continuing to blame a person for how bad you felt. Trust may have been deeply broken, or on other occasions our expectations were not met. We, through these actions, can develop our own “grievance stories”. We see only through our window and often lock in on the negative way a hurtful situation has affected us.
How much time do you spend thinking about your hurts and disappointments? Do you blame God, others? If memories keep coming up then they aren’t resolved. Dwelling on your wounds gives the offender power over you. It eats away at you even to the point you can feel physically sick. It leads to frustration, hopelessness, damaged relationships and health problems. We have files stored in our memory bank of people, places, facts, things, and feelings. Some of these memories remain current and some don’t. Information about someone that hurt you can remain constant. But the feelings that go along with the information can become out-of-date.
Current or not, every time you think about how this person hurt you, the feelings stored in that file are activated. Feelings that keep you stirred up and defensive when you can no longer do anything about the situation are out-of-date. These feelings can be updated by forgiveness. You don’t have to live in your emotional past.
Negative memories can pop up out of the blue when an appropriate cue is given. (filed away in your archives) Example: a smell or a song can trigger a memory (stored away but not forgotten). Even when you don’t remember, you can’t forget.
Because of Jesus, we have hope! Jesus taught us to forgive and gives us the power and the tools to do so. As disciples, we have been given the message of reconciliation (2 Cor. 5:19b).
God desires for us to set an example in this area. You can’t share the message of reconciliation if you nurse a grudge against someone. Don’t let any bitter root take hold of your heart (Hebrews 12:15).
Romans 12:18 states: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” How far will you go to be at peace?
2 Timothy 2:22-26 encourages us to pursue righteousness, love, and peace, and not to quarrel. We also need to extend patience to those who need time to work through issues.
In Part 2, I will share some steps that have helped me with forgiveness.
