Faithful during Transition
As for many in the kingdom, 2003 was quite a tumultuous year for our family and our faith. And though it was a challenging time, with God’s guidance some amazing prospects presented themselves. One of them was the opportunity everyone had to evaluate what they believed in and to make decisions based on those convictions.
For us, it was a time to think about our spiritual future as individuals and as a family.
After much discussion and prayer, we decided in October of 2003 that it would be best for us to relocate to Seattle. At the time, we were living outside the United States. Among many things, we were looking for a stable church with a strong teen ministry. Now, we all know that there are no guarantees about how, when, and where our children will come to Christ. The only thing we know for sure is God’s promise that if we train them in the way they should go, when they are old they will not turn from it (Prov. 22:6).
Making a major move would be quite challenging. We did not have jobs lined up and we would be transporting our two children (and the family the dog) to a different culture and economic reality. Yet, we felt an overwhelming urgency to act on our convictions. What propelled our decision was the deep belief that our family needed this change and we were willing to make the necessary sacrifices to realize it.
As with most moves, the transition period was not easy. Upon our arrival, we found an apartment to rent, new schools for the kids, and began the search for jobs. It took some time to get things on track. Both of us ended up finding work outside of our fields (at least at first), making it imperative to stick to a lean budget. And though we had strong convictions about living according to our means, we also believed in living near other Christians so our family could be as involved as possible in developing new relationships and attending church activities. This conviction helped determine where we would live and what kinds of jobs and schedules we’d agree to. We thought, what good is it to move all this way if we can’t be close to the church.
Faithful with the Help of Friends
Recently, we find ourselves saying, “If it takes a village to raise a child, then it surely takes a church to baptize one.” We are doubtful that our influence alone as parents could have accomplished Stephanie’s transformation and decision. Our limited skills and understanding just weren’t enough to meet all of our daughter’s spiritual and relational needs. And, we believe, the baptism of a close family member requires the buffered involvement of those outside the physical family circle, where an individual can truly be themselves without reminders of the past and overly concerned parental scrutiny.
Soon after arriving in Seattle, we were fortunate to be blessed with an amazing resource for advice concerning our marriage and the raising of our two children. Ron and Linda Brumley, seasoned disciples with ample ministry experience, were readily available to help. Their input was instrumental in the maturing of our hearts and minds, enabling us to withstand the many “trials and tribulations” of being parents of teens. The Brumley’s advice, listening ear, sympathy, empathy, humor and most of all, sincere love for us and our children helped us through some incredibly rocky times. In addition, our Bible discussion group was also a constant supply of great encouragement, as many of them were also parents of teenagers.
We recall many a Saturday night dinner at home with the dual purpose of a much needed date night as well as the solicitation of assistance and guidance from teen ministry leader couples regarding whatever phase our kids were going through. As with any parent, the well being of our children, especially the spiritual well being seemed to be at the forefront of our minds and the topic of most of our conversations. Fortunately, God provided an extended church family to meet those needs and give us a varied array of perspectives and experience to draw from.
Faithful through the Teen Years
Just as a fledgling spreads his wings, eager for the adventure of flight, teens experience that same desire for freedom, exploration and detachment from their parents. The teen years can be amazingly enriching as we see our children grow into young adults and it can also be filled with turbulent conflicts, miscommunication and power struggles.
Both of our children were brought up in the church since birth, on the mission field, and with parents in the ministry. They were prayed for and prayed about since before conception and were consistently involved in all church services and activities as well as an assortment of extra curricular school involvement and team sports. We had family devotionals and fun times together. And yet somehow, amid the remnant of our legalistic thinking, in the back of our minds there was a subconscious reliance on following all the right steps and checking off all the items on the “Raise the Kids Right” list, leading us to believe that our children would spontaneously be transformed into disciples at an appropriate point in time.
The reality of the situation was a difficult one to accept at the time. In all of our carefully orchestrated parenting we overlooked key components: our children’s free will and their individual personalities. We, the parents, were not in control of so many aspects of our children’s lives. And so, our spiritual education over the past few years has been geared toward learning to see and accept this fact. It forced us to rely on God for our children’s safety, mindset, choices and actions. We couldn’t be everywhere at all times, but God could. We couldn’t intervene in every questionable situation with words of wisdom, but God could. We couldn’t monitor our children’s thoughts and actions 24/7, but God could. We had to trust, we had to believe that He loved them even more than we did. All we know is that we never stopped trying to learn more, mess up less, and love unconditionally.
Stephanie first studied the Bible at age fifteen. She had just returned from summer camp with the other teens at church and was motivated to get closer to God. She went through almost all of the studies but wasn’t ready for the commitment God expected of her. At the time, peer pressure and fear of failure prevented her from continuing. It was hard for us to see her get that close and then back away. It would be another three long years before she’d study again. In the interim, we tackled difficult parenting situations, one after another. We had the tough talks about modesty, curfew, homework and chores. We revisited basic topics like coming to services and making time for the teen devotionals. We wrestled with her experimentation with marijuana and alcohol, dating, dishonesty and disobedience to our family rules. Sometimes it felt like we were not making any difference in her life. Ultimately, we knew that no matter what decision she made about God, we needed to continue to do what was right (Gal. 6:9).
It wasn’t until Stephanie graduated from high school that she began to seriously consider her future and the person she wanted to become. She needed distance from that environment and the people who were not choosing God. She also needed time to mature spiritually. And surprisingly, for us, she needed faith…her own faith. As a kingdom kid, who didn’t grow up with divorced parents, or alcoholism, or abuse, or other hard realities of world, it was difficult for her to grasp just how amazing the kingdom is and how awesome it is to have a relationship with God through Christ. It took some specially tweaked studies and some very patient disciples to help Stephanie reach her goal of getting baptized for the right reasons. And we’re so grateful for that!
There is a light at the end of the parenting tunnel! However, the Brumleys have gently reminded us that the work does not end at baptism, although we have been blissfully enjoying these first weeks with our “newborn” at home.
One down, one to go.
Stephanie’s Thoughts
Having grown up in the church, I had parents who were disciples and other friends and family who set a Christian example for me all my life. That was definitely a huge factor in my decision to get baptized. At the same time, being around families in the world (through school, sports, etc.) also contributed largely to my decision. Witnessing the lives of friends who had broken families, abusive parents, and superficial relationships was something that really impacted me. Seeing what my life could potentially become, if I did not make Jesus my Lord, was extremely eye-opening. I’m incredibly lucky to have been brought up as a Kingdom Kid. Although this is a definite blessing, I believe being a Kingdom Kid made seeing my need for God more difficult. Having Christian values all my life made it hard for me to understand why it was so important for me to have urgency in making my decision to follow Jesus. I’m so thankful for my parents, my church family and friends who have been so unbelievably loving and patient with me before, during and after my studies. My hope is that God will use me in the life of others to make the same impact they have made in my life. Finally getting baptized on February 12, 2012 has been the best decision of my life and just the beginning of my life lived to the full.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life,
and have it to the full.”
John 10:10
