The Heart of Modesty
Modesty is not just how you dress- it comes from what is actually dwelling deeply in your heart.
Ephesians 5:8-12
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light [9] (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) [10] and find out what pleases the Lord. [11] Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. [12] For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.
Ephesians 5:15-17
Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, [16] making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. [17] Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.
1 Peter 3:3-4
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. [4] Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
About 6 months ago we did a survey with men in the church; single men, teen men, married men, dads…everyone- and to start out I wanted to share some statistics from those surveys.
- For me- hearing these statistics really convicted and hurt my heart. I realized that I could be doing things (even accidentally, that cause men to struggle with purity at church).
- It also helped me to define- some things that I didn’t think were “a big deal” are a big deal for men.
So I started to think about a few questions that I want to share with you:
1) Why do you wear what you wear?
“I feel like it”
“It looks good on me”
“It’s stylish”
“Someone bought it for me”
“The weather- it’s hot out/ cold out.”
Maybe you want to be powerful-like pat talked about last week.
Or is it LOVE/ Acceptance that you are seeking?
Either way- is your ambition selfish or unselfish?
Philippians 2:3
Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.
Where do your ideas about fashion come from?
- Culture: this is how white women in their 30’s dress- well…maybe their 20’s
- Mother: When I was growing up- my mom and I were the same size- we didn’t have much money- so we all shared clothes…all of my earliest fashion sense came from my mother.
- Friends: what my friends wear still effects me.
- Media: what beautiful people are wearing- what women in movies are wearing…
- Church: how women in the church dress.
What LIES do you believe?
Do you forget who is the prince of this world?
John 8:44
You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
John 12:31, John 14: 30, John 16:11 – Jesus refers to satan as the prince of this world- the ruler- he has authority over our fallen world.
SKIT — “Lies Women Believe” (See below.)
LIES ABOUT GOD
- God is not with you
- God forgot you.
- He is not directly involved in your life.
- God is really disappointed or mad at you.
- God will not forgive you for the one really bad sin you committed…
- You’re only hanging on by a string.
- God loves other people more than you- that’s why they have the blessings that you want…
LIES ABOUT OURSELVES:
You are not ENOUGH- not pretty enough, skinny enough, outgoing enough, smart enough. tall enough, talented enough, loving enough, giving enough…ENOUGH
You are too much- too fat, too needy, too emotional, too outgoing, too annoying… too messed up…too far gone…
- Beautiful women are worth more
- I have to perform to be loved and accepted
- It’s just flirting…
- It’s hopeless…I can never overcome my sin.
Singles and Teens:
- I can’t handle the loneliness of staying pure
- It’s not really bad to fantasize/masturbation is fine
- It’s ok to do everything leading up to sex as long as I stay a virgin until I’m married…
- It’s ok to date someone who is not a Christian
- There are no good brothers to date in the church..
- I need a boyfriend….husband…etc.
Married women–Lies about our husband:
- He doesn’t love me
- He doesn’t meet my needs
- If he were more spiritual… then I would
- If he were more attentive… then I would
- If he really loved me he would…
LIES ABOUT OUR SISTERS in CHRIST:
Satan wants to destroy the church. One of the ways that he can do that is by getting you to think negatively and in an untrusting way towards your sisters.
- She doesn’t understand me.
- She doesn’t like me.
- She ignored me- so I’m going to ignore her.
- All she ever does is correct me.
- She thinks she’s all that.
Hebrews 10:24
And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.
How can we do this if we are listening to Satan’s lies?
We must love each other enough to call each other back to the standard of the Bible.
Ephesians 4:15
Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Humility to receive input- not easy to hear when it comes to how we dress.
Pat Brush shared in a very loving way. “I can see why you like that outfit. It’s really pretty on you. You probably didn’t realize it but it really draws attention to your chest.”
- A sister told me that what I was wearing was inappropriate when I bent over…I felt embarrassed- covered myself didn’t wear it again.
- Then had three other people talk to me about it–gossiping – thinking that I had fallen away and was trying to cause the brothers to struggle.
- There really is a right way and not so right way to talk to people about how they are dressed–but we are responsible for helping each other in this area – and really any area that we see them falling prey to satan in.
Genesis 4:
Now Abel kept flocks, and Cain worked the soil. 3 In the course of time Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering to the LORD. 4 But Abel brought fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. The LORD looked with favor on Abel and his offering, 5 but on Cain and his offering he did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry, and his face was downcast.
6 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it.”
8 Now Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” [d] And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.
9 Then the LORD said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”
We are our brother’s and sister’s keeper.
How can we dispel Satan’s lies?
1) Talk about them!
2) Pray about them!
3) Guard YOUR HEART “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Prov. 4: 23
Lifestyle: A Christian Perspective on Non-Sexual Promiscuity
“If you are giving pieces of your emotions, soul or body to people on a frequent and casual basis, you’re promiscuous. Dictionary.com states, promiscuity is “Lacking standards of selection.” When it comes to our relationships, the best thing we can be is selective. The best thing we can have is standards. Being promiscuous provides neither selectivity or high standards.” by: PTLeena
- In the same way men are aroused visually- women are aroused emotionally.
- So- having late night conversations on facebook is a lot more dangerous for us. Or talking about our past sins, troubles or issues with men instead of other women or our husbands…
- Giving your heart away too quickly can lead to a lot of pain…
- The time to give your heart away completely is when you are engaged- or at least in a very seriously committed relationship.
James 4:7-10 (New Living Translation)
7 So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world.
4) Memorize scripture!
Proverbs 30: 5 Every word of God proves TRUE. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.
Challenge:
- Talk to someone in your life who will challenge you about which lies satan has been deceiving you with.
- Memorize a scripture to help you to overcome this lie.
- How can you more effectively be your sister’s keeper?
Discussion Groups:
- Which lies does Satan tempt you with?
- How does this effect your relationship with God/brothers/sisters?
- How does this effect your purity or modesty?
Lies Women Believe
Scene 1
Sarah as “Mary”
(Young Mary looking in the mirror. Angel is to the left and demon is to the right -neither are visible)
Mary (Sarah): What should I wear today? Oh man… I’m really feeling really ugly ….
Demon: Well- you did eat ice cream last night…that DEFINITELY didn’t help.
Mary: My mom thinks I look good in this outfit- I think I’ll wear it. It is flattering..not too short…
Demon: Wait…seriously? YOUR MOM said she liked it? What are you, three?? Remember that guy from third hour…he said you looked hot in those short shorts…You’re feeling ugly…that will give you a little self-esteem boost… plus you wore it before anyway… so what is it going to hurt…?
Mary: hmmmm… (looking at short shorts)
Angel: Reading loud – Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
Mary: (chooses other outfit) walking off stage
Demon: (holding up short shorts)- Even the girls at church wear short shorts….
Scene 2:
(A few years later- Summer as “Mary”)
Mary (Summer): I am so nervous about this promotion at work..I really hope I get it- but what am I going to wear to the meeting??
Demon: You’ve got this girl…you just need to work some girl power…show off a little…I mean COMPARED TO THE WORLD everything in your closet is modest…
Mary: Kinda true…
Angel: (handing her the bible) 1 John 3
How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.
Mary: I know who I am- I don’t need to be defined by my outward appearance.
Demon: (Angry) Where exactly has all this purity gotten you anyway…I mean you don’t even have a boyfriend…and you’re HOW OLD??
Angel: Matthew 6 – “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Mary: (Smiles- walks off stage)
Scene 3:
A few Years Later (Alex as Mary)
Mary (Alex): I am so excited about the baby… I just can’t believe how much weight I’ve gained during this pregnancy….
Demon: Yeah…Did you see the way your husband looked at that waitress last night?…skinny little thing…
Mary: I’m just going to wear work out clothes- they hide everything. Even if they are a little tight… I mean, who is looking at a pregnant woman?
Demon: Yeah… and why even try to look good for your husband… does HE try to look good for YOU??
Angel: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
Mary: I do need to honor God- regardless of how I feel at the moment. (exit stage)
Demon: (angry)
Scene 4:
(A few Years later- Mary as Mary)
Mary (Mary): Ever since my daughter left home- I have no one to consult on my outfits anymore…
Demon: Yeah…can you believe that girl at church said that her spaghetti straps were immodest? I mean- this is SOUTH FLORIDA…apparently she hasn’t been out shopping with a teen lately…the only thing out there is spaghetti straps and halter tops…
Mary: Well…I did appreciate her talking to me about that…she’s only trying to protect her and the brothers…
Demon: (thinking)
Mary: I could wear this… my husband really likes it.
Demon: Yeah…and YOU look HOT in it! Who says you can’t be sexy over 50??
Mary: Forty nine…and I think it’s a little tight…I am not going to make that choice.
Demon: It really looked good a few years go before you got heavier…just try it on…I mean- does it even still fit you?
Mary: (thinks about it) What really matters is on the inside.
Demon: Yeah… but a lot of your friends are going through divorces…I mean… even disciples…and you really need to keep up your game, Mary. Most women in the world are getting plastic surgery…
Angel: (standing next to Mary, reading the scripture)
1 Peter 3:3-5 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
Mary smiles…
End
