Have a burning question? We certainly don’t have all the answers, but what we can offer you are four inspirational families and their responses to some of the most commonly asked questions of adoptive parents. First off, some introductions…
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| The Seegels have been married for almost twelve years and adopted their son as a newborn. He is now three years old. They have no other children but also help raise a niece and nephew. | The Boger family includes two biological daughters, ages 19 and 23 and a son (20) adopted from Romania when he was four years old. |
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| The Van Hoordes have four children: Two biological sons, ages 26 and 24, a biological daughter (21) and an adopted daughter from China who is 14. | The Engelhardts are a family of seven with two adult sons, two teenage sons and an adopted daughter age 14. |
What led you to the decision to adopt?
Seegels: We got married knowing we couldn’t get pregnant due to a medical condition. We love kids and I especially had a strong desire to be a mommy. Adoption was always a consideration for us!
Bogers: I first wanted to adopt after having two miscarriages and seeing documentaries about how horrifically some international orphans are treated. I also have a brother who is adopted and knew I would love an adopted child like my own. My husband was moved by God’s heart toward the fatherless.
Van Hoordes: I have always wanted to adopt since I was a young girl. After having three biological children, I knew I was done “bearing” babies, but also knew I wasn’t finished growing my family. It took a little while to convince my husband that adoption was in our future, but he was fully on board once he realized it was my dream and desire.
Engelhardts: We desired to help a little girl have a second chance in life. Our strongest desire was to round out our family. We felt there was a void.
Briefly describe your adoption process.
Seegels: The adoption process for us was quite unique and God-conspired! Through our many prayers and our church, we found out about a child who was born prematurely and quickly needed a family. We expressed our interest and found out we were getting our son a week later. A week after that our son was ready to come home. The private adoption process went very smoothly and our son was officially adopted at four months old.
Bogers: We were one of the first families to adopt from Romania through Hope for Children in 1998. God expedited the process to six months, from application to first hugging our son! The process required completing mounds of paperwork and obtaining multiple documents from different states.
Van Hoordes: We did about one to two months of research to determine the right agency and whether we wanted a domestic or international adoption. It took about five months to get all of the paper work together and then we waited 14 months for the referral. We traveled to China six weeks later to adopt our daughter.
Engelhardts: Initially we sought out a foster care license. This required approximately 40 hours of class time, a home study, and in-depth background checks. Then we received a phone call asking us to provide respite care for a family fostering three little girls, sisters. Over the next few months one of these girls became part of our hearts. When the decision was made that the girls would not be able to stay together and we were asked to consider fostering one of the girls, we JUMPED at the chance to bring the youngest home to stay and stay forever.
Editor’s note: Timelines for international adoptions can vary drastically based on several factors including when you choose to adopt, the country you’re adopting from, and their current political climate.
In general, what costs were involved and how did you fund the adoption?
Seegels: For us, the cost of private adoption was minimal compared to other types of adoption such as regular domestic and international. It cost around $5,000 and our church was gracious enough to offset some of the costs. We paid out of pocket for the rest.
Bogers: We funded our adoption through $8,000 in personal savings, a $5000 loan from our parents, and a $10,000 conventional loan. These costs included travel and accommodations for our 10-day stay in Romania.
Van Hoordes: Total cost was around $24,000 which included home studies, paper work filing, visa’s, passports, airline travel, hotel and meals abroad for two weeks, adoption fees in China, and adoption agency fees. We hosted a neighborhood garage sale and raised over $1,200 on a Saturday. We also did a 25-mile family bike-a-thon, raising over $7,000!! We got a donation from our church and then after the adoption, took advantage of the adoption tax credit.
Engelhardts: The foster care license and adoption was funded by the state.
Editor’s note: The maximum adoption tax credit for 2016 will be $13,460. Visit https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-tax-credit-announced-for-2016/ for more information.
What is one challenge you’ve faced as an adoptive family that you have seen God work through?
Seegels: Because we are a white family raising a black child, we get lots of comments, mostly from strangers. Most are positive, but some people can be negative or rude. My husband and I want to raise our child to be proud of and embrace who he is, loving everyone as Christ first loved us!
Bogers: Our son’s learning disabilities required obtaining an IEP from the school, being an advocate through the school system and home schooling him during his junior year. We saw God work through all this so that he graduated with a high school diploma. His emotional wounds created a lot of anger, deceit and lying. This challenged us to manage our own anger in a healthy way, to grow in our patience and compassion, then to see God change us. We have developed a good relationship with him as a now 20-year-old.
Van Hoordes: Our biggest challenge was that we only had about $2000 in our savings account when we started the process. We prayed and sought advice and believed that God would not let money be an obstacle to allowing a child to have a forever family. Another challenge was that we requested an older child, yet we prayed daily that God would give us the child that was right for our family. When the phone call came, we were told that our new addition was only 18 months old! That was a shocker, but we knew God was in control.
Engelhardts: It was a challenge for us to understand the world that she came from. And to not expect her to easily be part of ours.
What has been one of the biggest surprises on your journey?
Seegels: We have been very surprised by how smooth the adoption process went and how wonderfully Jonah has fit with our family!
Bogers: We were surprised that every new experience was so extreme for him. For example, the joy of his first airplane trip and car ride, first ice cream cone, first encounter with a dog or his first Halloween.
Van Hoordes: Surprisingly, our daughter has had very few adoption related issues. She was about two years old when we adopted her and she quickly acclimated to our family, country and language. We expected there to be more issues adjusting to her new environment and family, but after a few months she seemed to have adapted to her new life.
Engelhardts: When we made the decision to become foster care parents we also made the decision to adopt a girl younger than our biological children. We got a two-year license and let God decide if we would adopt or not. We placed our desires at God’s feet and he blessed us beyond imagination.
What would you say to someone thinking about adoption?
Seegels: We would tell anyone considering adopting to look into your financial and family resources. We have found that our family’s involvement has been a blessing for us and our son.
Bogers: It’s a rewarding journey to connect with God concerning the fatherless, but also a challenging journey to embrace God’s unconditional love.
Van Hoordes: Get advice, yet follow your heart. Realize that you will go through as many changes and challenges as your new addition, but that God will use the adoption to not only help you grow but to heap blessings on your head.
Engelhardts: Like many great things in life, adoption is very rewarding but a lot of hard work. As we ponder our adoption story, the scripture in Acts 17:26 could not be more alive. We have experienced many ups and downs, but because we know God has designed our family to be together, we are able to rise above the struggles. We are always amazed at how much we need our daughter in our lives. She is truly from God and has made our family whole.
