Editor’s note: Lori and her husband lived in Johannesburg, South Africa for many years working with the church. On her blog, she’s interviewed several parents about their relationship with their grown children. This is her latest post.
Before we get started on this journey, can I tell you something that has hit me hard?
We need to be more kind to ourselves.
We need to say nice things to ourselves when we’re wrestling with concerns and fears in the middle of those sleepless nights. There are no perfect parents. There are also no perfect children. I know we’ve heard that before, but can we agree that on this journey we’ll try hard to start believing it?
God reminds us in Isaiah 40:11 that “…He gently lead those that have young.” I love this verse, and held on to it for dear life when my kids were young and I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. I’ve realized, though, that while my kids are grown and there needs to be a shift in our dynamics, this verse is as true for me today as when Nick and Kati were toddlers. I will always be their parent and they will always be “my young.” That means God will continue to lead me gently through every phase of life and all the transitions we face together.
If God leads us gently, perhaps that means we can relax and enjoy the process rather than beating ourselves up for not reacting well or saying something we shouldn’t. I know we’re talking about our kids and I know we feel deeply that the stakes are high. Maybe we can work together on trusting God as we learn new ways of thinking and new patterns in our interactions as adults.
The weekend Kati got married, she said something that keeps running around my head. I don’t remember the details, but she looked at me and said, “I think we need to have a lot more grace with ourselves. I’ve never gotten married before and you’ve never had a daughter get married.” When did she get to be so smart?!
She’s right. So often, we’ve never “been here” before. During my interviews, many parents expressed a fair amount of angst describing lessons they’ve learned over the years with their kids. Instead of being too quick to judge ourselves and find fault, can we agree to show ourselves a little more grace? Can we try to forgive ourselves a little faster and remind ourselves that what seems like a big deal today will probably be much smaller tomorrow?
Maybe we can even find the courage to laugh at ourselves along the way…What do you say?
Shared from As for Me…
