Here
I am, standing at my son’s baptism, between him and my daughter. Paige
just turned 19 and was baptized almost 2 years ago and Jordan at 14 was
preparing to be baptized. It has been almost 6 ½ years since my
husband’s death. Paige was still 12 at the time and Jordan was 8. I
remember when I realized that I might lose him. I went to the closet
where I cried and begged God not to take him.
The following is the amazing testimony of Pat Parnell. Pat taught a class for single parent moms at the ICYFM April 16-18 in Chicago. To listen now to her class entitled “Parenting Single” please click here.
I
thought, I could handle it if I had to, but it would be devastating for
my children and there was no way I could raise them on my own,
especially Jordan. He was all boy, and intricately linked to his dad.
They liked the same cartoons, liked to burp and “pladap” (their word
for passing gas) just for fun and liked anything sweet. Jordan even
looks like his dad. Whenever he walks away I am sure I’m seeing his
father’s behind.
They were inseparable. Jordan could not be around him without some
part of him touching some part of his dad. I was afraid for both of my
children, but especially Jordan. I still have memories of Jordan
wanting to die so he could go be with his dad.
Now here I am…standing at the baptism, thinking, “I am living out my
fear, but we are having an incredible victory.” As I look at the crowd
that gathered it was clear what got us here…God’s grace and
faithfulness. One of the scriptures I’ve held on to over the years is
“God is the defender of the widow and the father to the fatherless”
(Psalm 68:5) Surrounded by friends at the baptism, what stood out to me
the most was how God has used godly men to strengthen my family and
deliver on his promise to father the fatherless.
Over the years, John and Pat Brush, friends of ours and elders in
the church, had us over for dinner on a consistent basis. We, sometimes
the kids without me, would have dinner with them. Then John would pull
out a piece of carpet, a.k.a the wrestling mat, and he and Jordan would
wrestle. They did that for quite awhile until John’s 50 something back
could take it no longer.
Jordan was an active boy and loved to wrestle. He would go to church
and find selected brothers to wrestle with, on the stage, in the
aisles, whether they were in a suit, or not, and they would let him! I
would often wonder if they understood how good that was for him, how
important for his development, and his trust in God.
Then there was Brian Santos. Our families have been best friends for
years, before my husband’s death. At 12, Jordan started going to Teen
Camp in Orlando where Brian lives and he invited Jordan to come spend a
week with him after camp. This coming summer will be his 4th with Uncle
Brian. They get to hang out, have heart to hearts, open the Bible, talk
about his dad and of course, wrestle. Jordan and Brandon, Brian’s son,
are like brothers and Brian shared at the baptism that he loves Jordan
like a son.
There
were times, especially when Jordan was about 8 and 9, when he would
express that he didn’t like being the only boy in the house. I guess
between the nail polish, his sister’s drama, and the empty chair at the
dinner table which served as a painful reminder of his father’s
absence, he needed a place to escape and just be a boy. That place was
the Stearns’ home. Joe and Pam had 2 boys (they had a daughter, but she
didn’t count) and a big yard. Jordan could go there anytime and play.
He was always welcomed. He would sometimes come home smelling foul, but
it was so good for him. The younger son, Daniel has become Jordan’s
best friend. Our children went to the same school and Joe went to the
school’s administration after Rich’s death and asked that the boys be
in class together so that Jordan could have a buddy during this
difficult time. Both boys were 8 and this was the beginning of their
friendship.
When Jordan was in 6th grade it was clear to me he needed a mentor.
He needed consistent “man time” on a weekly basis. While there were
brothers who cared about him, I needed someone who could make time for
him on a consistent basis. So, I prayed about it for several months. I
prayed for someone spiritual, who would be a great example and who
would take special interest in him. It was important for me that he had
someone that I didn’t need to follow up on to spend time with him. This
needed to a positive, self esteem building relationship.
Then there was Jason Decambre. He came up to me at a seminar and
said he had been thinking about Jordan and wanted to know if he could
begin spending time with him. My husband and I knew Jason when he was
converted back-in-the-day as a teen. He was now married, at the time
had one young daughter and was a faithful disciple. He was an answer to
prayer. Jason was loyal to Jordan. I never had to call to set up a time
with the two of them. He did. He was the first person to start Bible
Studies with Jordan and he was only in the 6th grade. Jason planted
seeds that would later produce fruit.
About a year and half later, Jason told me he and his family would
be relocating. When he told me, my insides quivered. I didn’t want
Jordan to lose him. This was another opportunity for me to trust God.
Jason said he would be praying about it and so was I. However, he
didn’t want me to worry, he would take care of finding a replacement.
Jason approached me a few weeks later and said he was thinking about
this brother named Rojal. I had seen Rojal around, knew who he was, but
really didn’t know him well at all. I checked around and asked other
disciples who knew him and what they thought about him mentoring
Jordan. They all had great things to say. He was faithful, he had been
instrumental in the lives of some of their teens, and he had a great
heart. Rojal was another answer to prayers. He and Jason were friends
so Jason wanted to approach him with the idea. When he did, Rojal said,
“You know, I had been praying about Jordan.” God is amazing.
And so began Jordan’s relationship with Rojal. He has been a great
mentor and friend. Despite the fact that he is married with 2 young
children, he consistently makes time for Jordan on a weekly basis. The
amazing thing is that Rojal and Jordan share something in common. Rojal
also lost his dad at 8. They understand each other’s hurts and even
each other’s sins. We have shared pictures and stories about the dads,
both dads have things in common. It’s uncanny the way God works.
So,
we stand ready to baptize Jordan. His sister and I are choked up. She
shares how their dad would be proud of him. I stand in amazement at
what God has done and is now doing. Rojal is asking him his good
confession as Dave Schoeff looks on. Rojal and Dave will be the ones
dunking him in the waters of baptism. Dave had jumped in the studies
with Jordan. He is just a great disciple and friend who wanted to get
in and help out with Jordan. He loves and believes in him.
They dunk him in the water and as they bring him up, a white bird
flies above their heads. We take it as no special symbol, but for me,
it serves as a reminder of the absolute faithfulness of God.
Later, when I got home and had a chance to think about the baptism,
another thought came to me. It is so important that fathers leave a
legacy of faithfulness, discipleship, service, love for God and his
church. It would have been difficult as a single mom to build all these
relationships with these brothers, most of whom are married.
But I didn’t need to, Rich, my husband, had already done that. At
both of my children’s baptism his faithfulness, love for people,
openness and his example as a man of God were repeatedly shared. The
overwhelming majority of brothers (including those who jump in to fill
a need, from take your child to work day, father son retreats, helping
to pay for teen camp, to making sure we have a reliable car!) are men
that were either converted by Rich, were in a discipling relationship
with him, served with him, or were faithful friends of his.
Among them is his brother John, who he studied with and baptized.
Jordan received a Bible from one of these men. The same Bible had been
given to the brother by Rich. We received emails from friends in
different places, some talked about the impact Rich had on them. I will
be putting together a baptism scrapbook including these emails with
thoughts about his dad.
It is a reminder that godly men, young and old, are not born, but
made through godly relationships. This is something to remember, not
just for our sake, but for the sake of our children.
Praise God for his faithfulness!
